Create in me a clean heart, O God

A devout Muslim

My name is Ahmed; I was the first Borne in 1969 in Alexandria Egypt to a religious poor family. My father is a very Devout Muslim who keeps all the pillars of Islam and then some, being raised in such a family made it a very important requirement to be as religious as my father who is also an open minded Man, loved by everyone. My Dream was to be an army officer however because of our financial situation I was not able to be one because it required a lot of financial responsibilities that my family were not able to fulfill beside my father never liked to have to ask any of his friend with the high political influences to vouch for me. I was very disappointed. Instead I was sent to the high institute of technology, and studied power plants, during this time I had many friends most of them were open-minded Muslims and very nice Christians. During this time I joined what was called Voice of America radio station fan club I was one of the co-founders of this club, which I worked hard in that I gained recognition from all those who worked there both Egyptians and Americans. Later I had to leave because of the mandatory armed forces service in Egypt and I was selected to join the division of the presidential Guard.

The Army

When I was in the presidential guard I was hand picked for my skills in combat and proved to be very talented in observation and detailed oriented, I was sent out of barracks to get more courses, and of course I can not ask why because of the first security rule (need to know). When I returned to the Barracks I was given an order to pack my belongings and report to the executive officer office, I was then shipped to one of the presidential palaces and assigned other tasks one of them was to be in the personal detail of the first lady of Egypt and the second was the security of the Squad. Many details I cannot mention because of its sensitivity and it is highly classified.

After the Army

After I finished my mandatory service I was honorably discharged and looking forward to start anew life, I went back to the American Cultural center where the Voice of America fan club operates and again I started to be active in the executive committee, I also started working with the USAID project in Alexandria, also I started to attend after noon classes in the school of Islamic evangelism (free studies)

And I was preparing to be a Muslim apologist driven by the fact that I lived all my life following my father footsteps.

Coming to America

During this time we were asked as group of the (voice of America Fan club) to go to the states with others who got government grant from the USIS so for the first time we stayed about 3 weeks and went back the second time we were to stay for six month with another group. We were in the Washington DC Metropolitan area where I met three people in a car asking for direction. After I told them where to go they started to talk to me in Arabic, and they introduced themselves to me they were Arab American from Chicago and they noticed from my accent that I was Arabian. They invited me for lunch and we talked a lot about every thing but religion, during the conversation I told them about my passion for reading and they gave me a book called MERE Christianity by C.S Lewis, I was happy to read any thing especially if it will add some thing new to my knowledge. We parted whishing each others good luck and I went home and started to read the Book with the aid of a dictionary (the book was advanced for my poor English) and I found that one of them has left his business card inside the Book. I finished reading the book and was very angry, asking my self how dare they give me such blasphemous book to read, I tore the book apart and mailed it to them with all the curses in English I could remember and also my comments. Later I received a phone call from the person who left his Business card in the book, and the first thing I asked was how did you get my number? He told me that he called information using the name and return address on the envelope. (I made my phone private later on) for my amazement, he was not mad about what I did to the book nor the curses I sent! He was just happy that I read the book and liked the comments I wrote down between curses. For my absolute astonishment, he invited me to visit them in Chicago, and I accepted the invitation and I was determined to show them the truth about God and use what I have studied not long ago to convert them to Islam I even day dreamed about the party we will have when they all gathered to burn their Bibles .I went to Chicago and met them and again they did not talk about religion but they were very nice and very hospitable. We agreed to stay in touch and keep the phone calls going and they always called to make sure that I do not suffer any financial trouble because of a high phone bill, again they kept calling and never mentioned any thing about Christianity or Jesus? However they were asking whole lots of questions about Islam and to my joy Most of the simple questions they had I was able to answer and when there was a very hard Question I just made up an answer for them making sure that it sounds good and making them feel good about Islam. I also asked them a lot of Questions about Jesus and many others about the trinity, they simply answered my questions and those quetions they did not have an answer they apologized saying that they do not know the answer and promised to TRY to get it for me as soon as possible, What? How come they did not make up an answer? How come they said we do not know? I am the one who supposed to be that honest not them, and I was very disappointed with my self remembering all the Hadith about the virtues of saying I don not Know. Those people showed me Love and respect and honesty and I wished to be like them, loving and respectful and honest as they are but I also remembered that the End justifies the mean…

Chicago

My new friends asked me to move to Chicago so we can talk and meet more often and I told them that I have to get permission from the host and I knew that such permission was not possible to be given, any way I asked for permission and it was granted, I told my friends that I will be coming soon. After I put my things in order I moved to Chicago, in Chicago I found others that I knew from back home they were very excited for the news that I am working on my Christian friends to convert them to Islam, they even got me a job getting paid cash so my host will not know about it. I got a job and a place to live by my self and went to Boarders bookstore and bought the cheapest Bible they have on sale after all it is a bad investment! I also told my Christian friends that because of the job my other friends got for me we would meet only once a week on Tuesday night since Wednesday was my day off. I advanced in my Job and even became supervisor over my Muslim friends, they did not like that so they started to become upset with me, we had many quarrels, but nothing Major, on the other hand I was reading the Quran and the Bible like crazy and having all this little notes preparing for the Tuesday meetings.

Things started to heat up at work with my Muslim friends, as I am starting to be homesick, and between my job and studying and preparing for the debates I had no social life what so ever. And it happened that one of my Muslim friends insulted my family in intolerable way, so we got into a huge fight and thankfully I restrained my self, however I did promised to kill this person who insulted my family .I started to be distracted and started to lose my temper easily, I can not keep on going like this, what made matters even worse is that I started to see things in the Quran I never seen before, I was talking to my self and asking how is this possible, verses I have been reading all my life ,I see it in a very different way and a lot of contradictions that I can not find any reasonable explanation for. So I went to the mosque and asked the Imam for his opinion and the answer he gave me startled me, he said (Do not ask Just believe), I was not set to accept such an answer .I struggled a lot with my faith and searched in all the books that I knew would have an answer for me but the more I read, especially in the Quran the more I drift away From Islam. And I reached the point of becoming an atheist.

The Confusion and the Miracle

Now I am stuck, talking to my self, I know that there’s a God but why He does not reveal Himself to me, I was talking to God saying that I can not be an atheist I know you are there in Quran you said that you are closer to us than the vain cord but I can not feel your presence.

I remember I was crying and praying for God to straight me up and show me himself, but he was not there to answer.

Again at work I got so angry and just left, it was cold and snowing, 17inches are on the ground already, with very fast wind, I realized that in my anger I left my coat at work, but also I was not to go back and pick it up, my pride wont let me do that, I started to feel the cold I no longer able to feel my toes, my nose running, my eyes tearing and my ears hurt so bad .all of a sudden a black pick up truck stops and a big guy red hair red beard in it and he told me to hop in, and I did.

I do not remember if I fell asleep or not but the guy in the truck tapped my shoulders and told me here’s your apartment, I thanked him and wanted to offer him money for the ride, he refused and told me that it is between him and Jesus, and he told me that Jesus loves you, with a mocking laugh I answered yeah I love him too. Then I remembered that I left my keys in the coat at work and I am quite sure that I have locked the door. The guy in the truck then told me open it do not be afraid, I was disturbed by this word, why would I be afraid? It is my apartment, any way, not wanting to look stupid I wiggled the doorknob, and the door opened. I turned around to thank him again but I could not find the truck, so I looked and noticed that there was no grooves in the snow and no tire prints also I went to the street and there was no cars what so ever and I remembered that I did not hear the sound of the engine, I also remembered that I never told him where I lived! I was freaked out and I got inside the apartment made sure to lock the door behind me, I was so scared, and decided to keep it to my self, I thought that there’s no good in telling any body that I am losing my mind.

It was time for my Tuesday meeting with my Christian friends and they called at work to confirm the time but they told them that I left work and did not come back. They called me at home but I did not answer the phone, they were very worried about me .no body ever cared for me before except my family, they came knocking on my door but I did not open. They forced the door open and I can see on their faces the concerns and the questions.

They asked me to pray

We went to a coffee shop and they started to talk, they told me that I am not the same person any more, and they were wondering what is going on in my life, then one of them asked me if I pray, I told him no I do not pray, I told them that I do not believe in the God of Islam any more and most certainly I do not believe in those three gods that you have, they smiled and they told me to pray to the God I know that he exists. When I went home I washed up and prayed the only way I know but there was no answer as usual. We met again and they talked about praying again then, I found my self speaking with hostility and telling them that I am done searching for Him and if God wants me, He will knock on my door then I will open for him, one of my friend then opened the Bible to the Book of Revelations 3:20 and asked me to read, and I read I cried and I was even more scared and confused than before.

God’s Voice

I was in my apartment when I heard a voice telling me to go and apologize to my friends at work, I do not know where this voice is coming from, I disregarded it and went about my business, again this demanding and nagging voice is telling me to go and apologize to my friends at work not only that, he is telling me to ask for their forgiveness, I found my self talking and responding saying that I did not do any thing wrong, they wronged me. This voice does not stop and I was worried that I am going crazy, at the end I said ok I will go, and I went to my friend’s home he was not there, so I waited for him, at last I saw him coming but when he saw me he started to run, I ran after him and cough up with him and, I hugged him and said that I am sorry an I asked him to forgive me, he did and also apologized as well.

I went home very happy and relaxed so relaxed that I went to sleep and I can say that I never slept like this before. I woke up unusually happy, and preparing for the debate, but some how I do not want to touch the Quran, and the strange part was that I felt that I am hungry for the bible? I caught my self-reading with interest, I open my mouth to thank God, and I heard my self praying to my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I stopped and stayed quite for while then I found my self praying to my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I did not know what to do but I know I was not confused and I was not scared in matter of fact I was extremely happy.

I called my friends told them it is important and they came so fast. I made coffee and told them every thing, then one of them told me Ahmed for a smart guy you sure were not sharp enough to realize that He Got your number and you were his from the very beginning, at least I was smart enough to know that he was talking about Jesus Christ. So I declared Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior in front of them and they Just jumped up and down with joy hugging and kissing me as if I was one of their brothers and the fact is I am one of their brothers In Christ. That was on July 1,1997 and I was baptized on june28, 1999.

I would like to say that the unconditional Love and respect my friend have showed me is what made me a good soil for the word of GOD not their arguments and nothing but the love of Jesus and His grace.

Now with the Grace of God it is my honor to serve Him and tell all my Muslim brothers and sisters about Him, and the Hope I have in Jesus Christ My Lord and Savior.

Ahmed Paul